Thoroughly Unhappy

Lately I can’t shake the feeling of unhappiness. I hate college. I hate everything about the academic life.

I don’t want to buy books.

I don’t want to go to class.

I don’t want to do homework.

I don’t want to be in school.

To be perfectly honest, I f***ing hate it.

There is nothing a dislike more. I don’t think people quite understand how much I don’t want to be here. I feel like I am going insane. The dorms don’t help though. I feel like I can’t escape. This university is suffocating me. I leave to go to class and then go back to the dorm, I go eat and then go back to the dorm, where I get to share a 12 by 15.5 foot room with my roommate. (Don’t get me wrong my roommate is great but that doesn’t mean I enjoy sharing a cardboard box as a living space!)

We pay around 600 dollars each for this room. Que chingadas! Are you serious? We can get an apartment for 600 dollars TOTAL (cutting our costs in half) with more room than this crap-hole. Not to mention the outside literally looks like a prison. Cement walls and every room looks the same. It’s only missing the bars.

I love my friends here. I love my weekends here. I love my personal life in Corvallis but I hate the school. Maybe it is normal? But I can’t stand it. I never liked high school either. I am unhappy in a classroom setting. Period.

The other day I walked into my room and started balling. Why? No idea. I was just crying. I feel like I have fought so hard to get to where I am today and I should be happy. I have gone through the loop holes to get financial aid, I have amazing-awesome-spectacular friends, and I can be who I truly am here, but I feel like I have climbed this mountain, got to the top, and realized I just want to be on the ground. So I sit and cry because I honestly don’t know what to do. For my family and friends reading this, I am not dropping out of school, no worries. I just hate it and you all know how much I love to bitch about things I can’t control.

I never wanted to go to college, I just knew that it was necessary. As my friend said yesterday (during my little episode), high school degrees don’t do sh** in this day and age. She is right. They don’t. People can work and work and work to get to a high level, but someone who comes along with this stupid piece of paper called a college degree, will beat you out of that job any day. So I know that quitting would be foolish and I will stick it out, like a good little drone, but that doesn’t mean I can’t complain about it, and I plan am doing plenty of it.

So there it is. Maybe a bit dramatic. Maybe a bit pessimistic. I don’t really care though. I need to complain somewhere, and my blog is my little escape and my ranting spot.