Crossroads

After a particularly tough day, I decided to get my butt off the couch yesterday and go for a run to relieve some tension. I was really good about going to the gym everyday and running two miles on the treadmill for a while but it had been a couple weeks. Halfway through my run I realize I’m much more winded and those margaritas and cheeseburgers are catching up with me.

I continue on even though it feels like an elephant is sitting on my chest to finish my route. I finally get to a point where I take a walk to relax and I realize that I’m sucking my stomach in, as I’m sure most of you can understand, and it hits me. Why in the world would I care about something as stupid as that when I’m on a run? So I let it go, taking Elsa’s advice, and realize that’s my issue.

I’m keeping things pent up. I sit at the front desk every day with a smile on my face while I stress about everything I possibly could. Not losing weight, some guy not texting me back after our date, not making 80,000 a year at 24 but what has this stressing fixed? None of those things.

So last night I get back from my run, make some dinner, put on Friday Night Lights and can't help but cry because I’m just so pissed. But that’s when I realize that the only person to blame for the things I’m stressing over is me.

I’ve made the choices in my life that have gotten me to this point. No one else has made them for me, only Justin. I choose to go to happy hour with my friends instead of the gym, I chose my career over love and it’s not normal for a 24 year old to make such a fun wage but the work that I’m putting in now will get me there someday.

Life is going to keep throwing crossroads at me.

Where I should live.

What I should do.

Who I should do it with.

Once I make these choices I need to make peace with them too. I can’t continue wondering if the other road would have been better because I’m already trekking on my own path and have so many great things going for me.

There will always be bumps in the road though, no matter how wonderfully the road appears to be paved.

P.S. I realize the content of this post is scattered and unfocused. Welcome to my week so far.