Heartbreak.
No one wants to go through it…
It isn’t fun.
It isn’t entertaining.
Exhilarating.
Fantastic.
Spectacular.
Exuberant.
It’s none of things but it isn’t completely horrible. It teaches you a lesson. It stays with you and it’s a constant reminder of what you shouldn’t do or fall for or believe.
It stays with you no matter what you do or where you go. There is that girl or boy that will just never leave your thoughts no matter how many times you talk to them or try to get “closure” (which is a myth).
No matter how many times you scream.
Cry.
Shake.
Pray to God.
Wish them dead.
It just doesn’t happen, but then again isn’t that good? What would be the point of losing them if you could forget them?
What if you could forget the feeling they gave you when you drove out to their house in the dead of the night just to see them for a few moments?
What if you forgot the way they felt?
The way they kissed?
The way they made you feel.
The way they forced you to choice to fall in love with them.
What if you could forget such a strong feeling?
Then it wouldn’t matter.
If you could forget the pain then there is no point to the happiness. All the pain you make it through is rewarded by that one special person you will meet someday. The person that will change your whole life and make you smile everyday for the rest of your life.
The one you marry and vow to stay with forever.
No, heartbreak is no fun. But without it we wouldn’t be where we are. We wouldn’t learn about all the bitches out there. We wouldn’t learn about the cheaters, or the people that care about work more than you. Or the people that just get bored and move on. We wouldn’t learn anything without that horrid feeling we go through when someone rips your heart out and walks away without a second glance while you lay heir bleeding and calling out their name in a desperate attempt to get that special feeling back to how it used to be.
You wouldn’t learn anything and you would continue to make mistakes whether that be get your heart broken or break one yourself.
Without heartbreak you wouldn’t know what you were looking for in this life or who you would want to be with forever.
Thursday, October 21, 2010
A Feeling Of Utter Hopelessness
The two young adults continued to barrel down the rode in the old, beat up, Camry. They had no money left and Jessica had just been fired from her job as a waitress for a few too many accidents involving spilling food or drinks. She had always been clumsy. Anthony had been at his job for almost six months and a raise should be coming soon. He had been working at a local grocery store, bagging items for the elderly and taking them out to their car. It wasn't great, but it was acceptable.
They were driving to go and see Anthony’s father for a loan to keep their studio apartment. He hadn’t spoken to him in a while so he figured that speaking in person would be more effective.
“I’m sorry…” Jessica’s voice trailed off.
“Hey, it’s okay.” He reached over from the driver’s seat and grasped her hand. “We can do it. We just need a little help.” He smiled at her, though she could see the desperation in his expression beyond the smile.
“You’re so good to me…” Her voice trailed off again.
“You’re worth it.” He smiled again.
It had been nearly fifteen months since he had taken her away from her home in Montana. She had been so scared but he made sure everything was okay. He spent his savings and drove her to a medium-sized town in Arizona by the name of Fairmont. She had wanted to get far away from her family.
“Well thank you. I don’t agree with you, but you’re sweet.” She gave a false grin. He rolled his eyes and took his hand away from hers, placing it back on the wheel.
"What?" She asked, knowing why he was mad already.
“That’s so annoying. Please just take a compliment just once.” He said, exasperated.
“I’m sorry, I just don’t think I am… But I do appreciate it.” She explained, turning her body toward him in her seat. She reached out and placed her arm on his thigh. “You can’t force me to believe you. Though you’ve given it your best shot.”
“I know. I just wish I could.” He grunted. She made a small noise and moved her hands away, turning back to look at the road and slouching in her chair. The car continued to roll down the road in silence for a few more moments and then Anthony turned the radio on to a country station. His father lived forty minutes away in a town the Anthony had forgotten it’s name, but he was sure he’d recognize it once he hit the main road.
“I love you.” Jessica murmured, barely loud enough for him to hear over the music.
“I love you too, baby.” He kept his straight face another thirty seconds before it softened and he grabbed her hand again.
Jessica reached over and turned the volume down on the stereo.
“So you don’t know what town your dad lives in?”
“Uh… No. Not the name, but I know it’s on I-49. I will know it when I see it anyway. I just need to see it first.”
“Why didn’t we just call?” She asked.
“I told you, it’s because I haven’t seen him in forever. What am I gonna do? ‘Hey dad, haven’t seen you in a while. So wanna give me and Jessica, my girlfriend you haven’t met, about 500 dollars so we can keep our apartment?’”
“Okay, okay I get it.” She said quietly. Another silent period of time. “Are you mad at me?” She asked, looking down at the floor board. She felt a squeeze on her hand from his and a heavy sigh.
“No. I’m just stressed. I haven’t seen my dad in almost a year. I’m just worried about a lot of stuff. I don’t know how we are going to make it sometimes…” He swallowed. “But I know we will. I’ve got you and that is all I really need.” He finished.
Looking over, Anthony saw a smile on her face.
“I know that you mean that.”
Anthony looked at the girl sitting in the passenger seat and smiled.
“You do?”
“Tony!!” Jessica suddenly screamed, pointing to the road with a petrified expression on her face. Anthony snapped his attention to the road and saw that he had drifted into the oncoming lane of the highway and there was a motorcycle speeding toward them. Anthony jerked the steering wheel to get back into his own lane and the car fishtailed, the trunk of the Camry sliding into the oncoming lane as the biker went by. The front tire of the motorcycle connected with the bumper of the car. Jessica watched as the bike threw the rider off. She watched the limp body fly through the air in an arc, landing on the road with a bounce and a roll, going into the ditch on the side of the road.
“Shit!” Anthony yelled as he tried to regain control of the car that was skidding to a stop in the middle of the rode. As he continued to fish tail, the front of the car passed beyond the shoulder of the highway and hit the gravel on the side. The car was instantly pulled into the ditch nose first and was brought to a violent stop.
The two sat there for a moment before the silence was broken.
“Babe?” Anthony reached across the car and rested it upon Jessica’s leg. “Jess?” He said again and looked over. Her eyes were opened and she slowly turned her head to Anthony with a facial expression of pure horror.
“The biker hit us.” She uttered out.
“I know, Jess. Honey. We are gonna get out and check out the damage okay? Calm down.”
“Okay.” She muttered, falling silent again.
“Are you okay?” He asked as she fumbled with her seat belt.
“Yeah. I’m okay. Just get me out of this car.”
He unlatched his seat belt and noticed that water had filled the car’s foot space from the ditch. He opened the door to step out of the car which was currently at a 45 degree angle. Anthony jumped out of the car into the ditch. The water came up to his waist as his feet touched the muddy bottom. He quickly stepped up the side of the bank to get to Jessica on the other side. When he reached the other side of the car he pulled opened the door and caught her as she jumped out of the car into his arms.
Her arms embraced his neck and held on tight for a moment.
“I’m sorry.” He chocked out. Tears had welled up in his eyes.
“I’m so sorry.” He mumbled through her clothing that was suffocating him.
“Come on. We need to go check on that guy.” She exclaimed with a shaky voice. He climbed up the bank onto the high way and put her on her own two feet. He searched the highway for someone who may be coming but he didn’t see anyone. This highway was notorious for being empty. He heard the sound of Jessica running toward the smashed up motorcycle. He turned to jog after her.
He got to the motor cycle and stood next to Jessica. His eyes locked on the ditch about 50 feet ahead of them. There was a lifeless body laying in the ditch. Jessica’s hands covered his mouth and he heard a stifled cry.
“Stay here.” Anthony muttered as he walked forward toward the body. He walked up as slowly as he could move without stopping.
“Hello?” He said to the figure in leather chaps and a biker’s jacket. The helmet’s visor was gone aside from two triangular pieces on the side. The rest of it had shattered and been dispersed in the ditch and along the road. Suddenly Anthony broke into a run. He leaped into the ditch, water splashing above his head, and ran up to the lifeless figure. He fell to his knees at the man and put his hands on his shoulder’s.
“Sir?” He asked quietly. The sobs coming on strong now. He recognized him.
“Dad!” Anthony’s tears of sadness and fear and turned into tears of anger. “Dad!!” He screamed as loud as he could and gripped the leather jacket, slamming his head into his father’s body. There was blood trickling down his father’s eyes, his right leg was broken, and pointing in the opposite direction that it should have been. The leather jacket was ripped to shreds on the front of his chest from bouncing on the asphalt.
Jessica’s arms were suddenly wrapped around Anthony’s shoulders as she cried next to him. Her grip tightened as Anthony’s tears grew more violent.
“Damn it!” Anthony roared into the leather jacket. “Why?!” He screamed again. Jessica cried quietly next to him as he tried to shake his father to life. There was so much blood.
“Baby.” Jessica whispered, trying to pull him away.
“Please…” He moaned, tears still streaming from his eyes. Jessica tried to pull him up again but he only fell to his knees again. After ten minutes he turned from his father’s body to Jessica. He buried his head into her shoulder and cried silently.
Then, Anthony stood up and turned away from Jessica. He wiped his face and began walking up the road, back to the car.
“Tony?” Jessica called him from down in the ditch, quickly climbing up to the road. “Baby? What are you doing?” She asked, worried that he wasn’t answering her. He reached in the back seat of the car that had a small dent on the door. He pulled out a pistol and stopped in his tracks. They had gotten a pistol for protection, seeing as how they lived in a shady part of Fairmont. Also, he had gotten it in case her dad ever found them.
“Anthony!” She screamed and ran toward him, stopping two feet from where he stood. “Anthony, put it down!” She screamed.
“It isn’t going to get better.” He said in a flat voice, tears silently slipping from his eyes. “Nothing is going to get better.”
“Anthony. Please. Put the gun down.” She asked again, desperate.
“Nothing has been right since we left Montana.” He seemed to be talking to himself. His expression was faull of pain, yet totally blank.
“We left something so much worse.”
“You left something so much worse. I left my wonderful life! I left everyone that I loved and I did it for you! And do you think that God has given me a break?” He had began to scream.
“I’m sorry! Do you think I wanted this for you? I’m sorry! But put the gun down. We need to talk about this calmly.” She was trying to hold her anger down.
“My father is dead. I killed my father. Nothing will ever work out right.” His voice trailed off. He cocked the pistol and pulled it to his head.
“Anthony.” Jessica whispered in horror.
“I’m sorry Jess.” Tears streaming down his eyes.
“Please. Please…” She repeated the same word over and over.
“I never told you. Every night I lay awake all night worrying about money and I put a happy face on for you. I just can’t do it anymore.”
“Anthony!” She screamed, stepping toward him. Her arms wrapped around his chest.
“I can’t do this.” He cried again. Her hands reached up to the gun and she wrapped her fingers around the barrel. She pushed the gun and his grip loosened, letting her push it out of his hands. The gun clanged to the ground and his arms went around her.
“What is wrong with me?” He muttered in her ear.
“We have each other. It’s all we have.” She was so scared.
“I didn’t mean it. I’m so sorry.”
“Stop apologizing. We’ll get through this.”
“I love you. Please forgive me.” Anthony barely whispered.
“I do. I always will. I know what you’ve done for me. I will love you forever.” Jessica replied back quietly, still embraced in his arms.
“We’ll get through this, okay? I won’t slip up again.” Anthony promised and squeezed her tightly as a car pulled up, behind the wreckage.
They were driving to go and see Anthony’s father for a loan to keep their studio apartment. He hadn’t spoken to him in a while so he figured that speaking in person would be more effective.
“I’m sorry…” Jessica’s voice trailed off.
“Hey, it’s okay.” He reached over from the driver’s seat and grasped her hand. “We can do it. We just need a little help.” He smiled at her, though she could see the desperation in his expression beyond the smile.
“You’re so good to me…” Her voice trailed off again.
“You’re worth it.” He smiled again.
It had been nearly fifteen months since he had taken her away from her home in Montana. She had been so scared but he made sure everything was okay. He spent his savings and drove her to a medium-sized town in Arizona by the name of Fairmont. She had wanted to get far away from her family.
“Well thank you. I don’t agree with you, but you’re sweet.” She gave a false grin. He rolled his eyes and took his hand away from hers, placing it back on the wheel.
"What?" She asked, knowing why he was mad already.
“That’s so annoying. Please just take a compliment just once.” He said, exasperated.
“I’m sorry, I just don’t think I am… But I do appreciate it.” She explained, turning her body toward him in her seat. She reached out and placed her arm on his thigh. “You can’t force me to believe you. Though you’ve given it your best shot.”
“I know. I just wish I could.” He grunted. She made a small noise and moved her hands away, turning back to look at the road and slouching in her chair. The car continued to roll down the road in silence for a few more moments and then Anthony turned the radio on to a country station. His father lived forty minutes away in a town the Anthony had forgotten it’s name, but he was sure he’d recognize it once he hit the main road.
“I love you.” Jessica murmured, barely loud enough for him to hear over the music.
“I love you too, baby.” He kept his straight face another thirty seconds before it softened and he grabbed her hand again.
Jessica reached over and turned the volume down on the stereo.
“So you don’t know what town your dad lives in?”
“Uh… No. Not the name, but I know it’s on I-49. I will know it when I see it anyway. I just need to see it first.”
“Why didn’t we just call?” She asked.
“I told you, it’s because I haven’t seen him in forever. What am I gonna do? ‘Hey dad, haven’t seen you in a while. So wanna give me and Jessica, my girlfriend you haven’t met, about 500 dollars so we can keep our apartment?’”
“Okay, okay I get it.” She said quietly. Another silent period of time. “Are you mad at me?” She asked, looking down at the floor board. She felt a squeeze on her hand from his and a heavy sigh.
“No. I’m just stressed. I haven’t seen my dad in almost a year. I’m just worried about a lot of stuff. I don’t know how we are going to make it sometimes…” He swallowed. “But I know we will. I’ve got you and that is all I really need.” He finished.
Looking over, Anthony saw a smile on her face.
“I know that you mean that.”
Anthony looked at the girl sitting in the passenger seat and smiled.
“You do?”
“Tony!!” Jessica suddenly screamed, pointing to the road with a petrified expression on her face. Anthony snapped his attention to the road and saw that he had drifted into the oncoming lane of the highway and there was a motorcycle speeding toward them. Anthony jerked the steering wheel to get back into his own lane and the car fishtailed, the trunk of the Camry sliding into the oncoming lane as the biker went by. The front tire of the motorcycle connected with the bumper of the car. Jessica watched as the bike threw the rider off. She watched the limp body fly through the air in an arc, landing on the road with a bounce and a roll, going into the ditch on the side of the road.
“Shit!” Anthony yelled as he tried to regain control of the car that was skidding to a stop in the middle of the rode. As he continued to fish tail, the front of the car passed beyond the shoulder of the highway and hit the gravel on the side. The car was instantly pulled into the ditch nose first and was brought to a violent stop.
The two sat there for a moment before the silence was broken.
“Babe?” Anthony reached across the car and rested it upon Jessica’s leg. “Jess?” He said again and looked over. Her eyes were opened and she slowly turned her head to Anthony with a facial expression of pure horror.
“The biker hit us.” She uttered out.
“I know, Jess. Honey. We are gonna get out and check out the damage okay? Calm down.”
“Okay.” She muttered, falling silent again.
“Are you okay?” He asked as she fumbled with her seat belt.
“Yeah. I’m okay. Just get me out of this car.”
He unlatched his seat belt and noticed that water had filled the car’s foot space from the ditch. He opened the door to step out of the car which was currently at a 45 degree angle. Anthony jumped out of the car into the ditch. The water came up to his waist as his feet touched the muddy bottom. He quickly stepped up the side of the bank to get to Jessica on the other side. When he reached the other side of the car he pulled opened the door and caught her as she jumped out of the car into his arms.
Her arms embraced his neck and held on tight for a moment.
“I’m sorry.” He chocked out. Tears had welled up in his eyes.
“I’m so sorry.” He mumbled through her clothing that was suffocating him.
“Come on. We need to go check on that guy.” She exclaimed with a shaky voice. He climbed up the bank onto the high way and put her on her own two feet. He searched the highway for someone who may be coming but he didn’t see anyone. This highway was notorious for being empty. He heard the sound of Jessica running toward the smashed up motorcycle. He turned to jog after her.
He got to the motor cycle and stood next to Jessica. His eyes locked on the ditch about 50 feet ahead of them. There was a lifeless body laying in the ditch. Jessica’s hands covered his mouth and he heard a stifled cry.
“Stay here.” Anthony muttered as he walked forward toward the body. He walked up as slowly as he could move without stopping.
“Hello?” He said to the figure in leather chaps and a biker’s jacket. The helmet’s visor was gone aside from two triangular pieces on the side. The rest of it had shattered and been dispersed in the ditch and along the road. Suddenly Anthony broke into a run. He leaped into the ditch, water splashing above his head, and ran up to the lifeless figure. He fell to his knees at the man and put his hands on his shoulder’s.
“Sir?” He asked quietly. The sobs coming on strong now. He recognized him.
“Dad!” Anthony’s tears of sadness and fear and turned into tears of anger. “Dad!!” He screamed as loud as he could and gripped the leather jacket, slamming his head into his father’s body. There was blood trickling down his father’s eyes, his right leg was broken, and pointing in the opposite direction that it should have been. The leather jacket was ripped to shreds on the front of his chest from bouncing on the asphalt.
Jessica’s arms were suddenly wrapped around Anthony’s shoulders as she cried next to him. Her grip tightened as Anthony’s tears grew more violent.
“Damn it!” Anthony roared into the leather jacket. “Why?!” He screamed again. Jessica cried quietly next to him as he tried to shake his father to life. There was so much blood.
“Baby.” Jessica whispered, trying to pull him away.
“Please…” He moaned, tears still streaming from his eyes. Jessica tried to pull him up again but he only fell to his knees again. After ten minutes he turned from his father’s body to Jessica. He buried his head into her shoulder and cried silently.
Then, Anthony stood up and turned away from Jessica. He wiped his face and began walking up the road, back to the car.
“Tony?” Jessica called him from down in the ditch, quickly climbing up to the road. “Baby? What are you doing?” She asked, worried that he wasn’t answering her. He reached in the back seat of the car that had a small dent on the door. He pulled out a pistol and stopped in his tracks. They had gotten a pistol for protection, seeing as how they lived in a shady part of Fairmont. Also, he had gotten it in case her dad ever found them.
“Anthony!” She screamed and ran toward him, stopping two feet from where he stood. “Anthony, put it down!” She screamed.
“It isn’t going to get better.” He said in a flat voice, tears silently slipping from his eyes. “Nothing is going to get better.”
“Anthony. Please. Put the gun down.” She asked again, desperate.
“Nothing has been right since we left Montana.” He seemed to be talking to himself. His expression was faull of pain, yet totally blank.
“We left something so much worse.”
“You left something so much worse. I left my wonderful life! I left everyone that I loved and I did it for you! And do you think that God has given me a break?” He had began to scream.
“I’m sorry! Do you think I wanted this for you? I’m sorry! But put the gun down. We need to talk about this calmly.” She was trying to hold her anger down.
“My father is dead. I killed my father. Nothing will ever work out right.” His voice trailed off. He cocked the pistol and pulled it to his head.
“Anthony.” Jessica whispered in horror.
“I’m sorry Jess.” Tears streaming down his eyes.
“Please. Please…” She repeated the same word over and over.
“I never told you. Every night I lay awake all night worrying about money and I put a happy face on for you. I just can’t do it anymore.”
“Anthony!” She screamed, stepping toward him. Her arms wrapped around his chest.
“I can’t do this.” He cried again. Her hands reached up to the gun and she wrapped her fingers around the barrel. She pushed the gun and his grip loosened, letting her push it out of his hands. The gun clanged to the ground and his arms went around her.
“What is wrong with me?” He muttered in her ear.
“We have each other. It’s all we have.” She was so scared.
“I didn’t mean it. I’m so sorry.”
“Stop apologizing. We’ll get through this.”
“I love you. Please forgive me.” Anthony barely whispered.
“I do. I always will. I know what you’ve done for me. I will love you forever.” Jessica replied back quietly, still embraced in his arms.
“We’ll get through this, okay? I won’t slip up again.” Anthony promised and squeezed her tightly as a car pulled up, behind the wreckage.
Hey You
Why don’t you care? What causes you to have absolutely no consideration for anyone’s feelings but your own? You loved me like a friend? Bull shit. You can’t stop lying to me. You can’t stop lying to anyone and you can’t even stop lying to yourself.
I did everything for you without a second thought. If it was possible, I did it. Whether it be getting you a candy bar or staying with you when you were sick. Coming to see you for only a couple of hours when I was so tired I could barely drive.
I care about you so deeply, but I don’t want to.
It hurts.
It stings.
It burns.
I don’t want you to be with me any longer.
I want you out of my dreams.
Out of my thoughts.
Out of my life.
You say you don’t miss me? Bull shit.
I gave up everything for you. Do you even understand what I did? I left someone who actually loved me. I went against everyone and went with you, where ever you wanted.
I came to see you. You hardly came to see me. I did anything I could for you and what did I get in return?
What did you ever do for me?
Anything?
You told me all about how I did things wrong.
You called me stupid.
You ignored me.
You yelled at me.
You put everyone and everything above me.
You treated me like garbage and I let you.
What did I send you nearly every morning?
A text.
What did it say?
“Good Morning Beautiful.”
To which your reply was something negative.
You are selfish.
You don’t know how to treat a human being.
No… You know how. You just refuse.
You think that if you are bitch that you won’t care.
Pretend all you want. Someday you will fall in love. Someday you will actually care and when that happens I hope that it gets ripped away from you. I hope that they leave you in the dust without a second thought. With nothing but empty apologies and hollow tears.
I hope you completely give yourself to someone and they shatter your heart.
I hope that you embrace them for the last time, with tearful eyes, and are forced to walk away.
Then I hope they tell you that they don’t miss you.
I hope that you cry every night for two weeks after that, and then even months later you can’t stop the tears from flowing, when you are alone.
Maybe if someone is strong enough to break through your cowardly shields and then strong enough to leave you behind without a second glance, then you’ll know how to care about someone the right way.
You’ll know how to appreciate them.
You’ll know how to treat them.
You’ll know that you treat them like your lover and your best friend.
You’ll know not to talk trash about them behind their backs when you are having a fight.
You’ll know how to love them like I love you.
It’ll take a while though… If you ever learn.
You treated me like shit.
You took me for granted.
You broke my heart.
You used me.
And leaving me was the nicest thing that you ever did for me.
I did everything for you without a second thought. If it was possible, I did it. Whether it be getting you a candy bar or staying with you when you were sick. Coming to see you for only a couple of hours when I was so tired I could barely drive.
I care about you so deeply, but I don’t want to.
It hurts.
It stings.
It burns.
I don’t want you to be with me any longer.
I want you out of my dreams.
Out of my thoughts.
Out of my life.
You say you don’t miss me? Bull shit.
I gave up everything for you. Do you even understand what I did? I left someone who actually loved me. I went against everyone and went with you, where ever you wanted.
I came to see you. You hardly came to see me. I did anything I could for you and what did I get in return?
What did you ever do for me?
Anything?
You told me all about how I did things wrong.
You called me stupid.
You ignored me.
You yelled at me.
You put everyone and everything above me.
You treated me like garbage and I let you.
What did I send you nearly every morning?
A text.
What did it say?
“Good Morning Beautiful.”
To which your reply was something negative.
You are selfish.
You don’t know how to treat a human being.
No… You know how. You just refuse.
You think that if you are bitch that you won’t care.
Pretend all you want. Someday you will fall in love. Someday you will actually care and when that happens I hope that it gets ripped away from you. I hope that they leave you in the dust without a second thought. With nothing but empty apologies and hollow tears.
I hope you completely give yourself to someone and they shatter your heart.
I hope that you embrace them for the last time, with tearful eyes, and are forced to walk away.
Then I hope they tell you that they don’t miss you.
I hope that you cry every night for two weeks after that, and then even months later you can’t stop the tears from flowing, when you are alone.
Maybe if someone is strong enough to break through your cowardly shields and then strong enough to leave you behind without a second glance, then you’ll know how to care about someone the right way.
You’ll know how to appreciate them.
You’ll know how to treat them.
You’ll know that you treat them like your lover and your best friend.
You’ll know not to talk trash about them behind their backs when you are having a fight.
You’ll know how to love them like I love you.
It’ll take a while though… If you ever learn.
You treated me like shit.
You took me for granted.
You broke my heart.
You used me.
And leaving me was the nicest thing that you ever did for me.
My Life As Of Today
I am 18 years old and I am currently a freshman in college. It's only been halfway through my first term but it is amazing here. Everyone is fairly friendly and the people you meet are way cool.
I can be pretty dramatic sometimes. I like to over analyze things and I am a serious person. I guess you could call me "The Nice Guy".
I like to express myself and I like the feed back even if it is negative.
I am not your average guy though. I have emotions.
I say that I would trade them for the cold heart of a sex maniac any day but I know that it is a lie. It is just difficult when most of the guys you come into contact with, are straight. Also, a lot of gay guys just want one night stands, and I don't. I still have all of the same morals I had before I was out. But I know it will all work out someday...
I forgive but I don't forget.
I can honestly say I miss all of my exes in some way or another. (Even the ones I broke up with)
I don't take dating lightly so it is a terrible thing when the bond is severed but it is especially bad if you are the one to sever it.
I get angry.
I say hurtful things to people who have hurt me.
I take ever slug and hit I can throw into you (verbally of course) just so you can feel a tiny bit of the pain that I have felt because of you.
I'm not saying it's right and I do regret some of the bridges I have burnt, but what can I do?
Learn from it...
And move on.
Anyway, I'd like to post some of the things I have written over the years of my life... But I am not too sure how this works, so I hope some people see it and I hope to get some feedback.
I can be pretty dramatic sometimes. I like to over analyze things and I am a serious person. I guess you could call me "The Nice Guy".
I like to express myself and I like the feed back even if it is negative.
I am not your average guy though. I have emotions.
I say that I would trade them for the cold heart of a sex maniac any day but I know that it is a lie. It is just difficult when most of the guys you come into contact with, are straight. Also, a lot of gay guys just want one night stands, and I don't. I still have all of the same morals I had before I was out. But I know it will all work out someday...
I forgive but I don't forget.
I can honestly say I miss all of my exes in some way or another. (Even the ones I broke up with)
I don't take dating lightly so it is a terrible thing when the bond is severed but it is especially bad if you are the one to sever it.
I get angry.
I say hurtful things to people who have hurt me.
I take ever slug and hit I can throw into you (verbally of course) just so you can feel a tiny bit of the pain that I have felt because of you.
I'm not saying it's right and I do regret some of the bridges I have burnt, but what can I do?
Learn from it...
And move on.
Anyway, I'd like to post some of the things I have written over the years of my life... But I am not too sure how this works, so I hope some people see it and I hope to get some feedback.
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