Trans People & Restrooms

Recently this topic has exploded on social media and come to the front of everyone’s mind, which is crazy because it’s been happening for years. Literally. Years. Transgender people have always been around us, yet now that it’s out in the open we have a lot of people who are upset, which is understandable with their understanding of the situation.

“I don’t want my daughter in the restroom with some man in a dress with perverted intentions.”

Fair.

However, that’s not what’s happening.

I’ve seen this image shared all over social media and it’s incredibly insensitive, not to mention inaccurate. The majority of transgender people don’t look like this. This person in the photo is very obviously not attempting to live the life of a woman. It’s a mockery of trans people meant to provoke fear and anger among people who don’t understand, and often aren’t willing to try.

Like it or not, you have shared the restroom with a transgender person. Many many times. You didn’t notice because they are everyday people. They aren’t people trying to sneak a peek, these are people who are grocery shopping, running errands, and after drinking a venti caramel macchiato to start their day, have to pee. Sure there may be people who try to abuse the law with perverted intentions but there will always be people who abuse laws be it straight, gay, transgender, or any other person within any group.

I understand being uncomfortable with the idea. I understand not supporting the idea. I even understand being angry with the idea but I don't understand not even trying to listen to their side. You don’t have to like it, but why not at least listen to their story.

Although I’m not trans, I understand what it’s like to have my opinions entirely dismissed while I attempt to explain being gay. There are so many people in this world who just shut down completely when it comes to these issues but why? We aren’t asking for you to be gay like us or trans like us. We’re just asking that you listen. If you don’t like it, fine. Go about your day and we don’t even need to speak again but to not even try is cold-hearted.

Having said all that, I understand the apprehension for having a law allowing men in women’s restrooms and vise versa, however, it really has been happening forever. Transgender people aren’t a new thing, we are just finally coming around to being vocal about the issues the LGBT community faces everyday.

I don’t like forcing beliefs, mostly due to it being ineffective, and I do believe these laws are forceful. It’s clear to me that America isn’t ready for these laws with the way people have reacted to Target, although America doesn’t have a great track record for widespread tolerance. The thing you should understand is that the opposite has happened to us since the beginning of our lives, even as children. We’re forced to hide. We don’t always feel comfortable talking about our issues because we’re afraid of the reaction. It does make us angry, BUT as LGBT members, we've had to accept that the world is the way it is. It may be unfair but we can’t change it and forcing our beliefs is only doing the very thing that has been done to us. I see it as our responsibility to be patient while also pushing an appropriate amount to actually cause change rather than the “eye for an eye” mentality. It’s a fine line though and it’s never black and white.

As far as the laws, I think that transgender people should be able to use the restroom they identify with but if it’s going to spark emotions that cause them to be in an unsafe circumstance, I’d rather it not be a law. But transgender people are real. They are not seeking attention and they are not trying to rape your daughters.

All they want is to be unafraid to use a restroom in public.

A Sunken Ship

I remember it so clearly, yet there was no specific point in time when it happened.

“Captain! We’ve been hit,” was ringing in my ears.

It was then that the realization that there was a hole in my ship occurred. Not an unexpected flaw, but a planned flaw. Like a plug on a timer that finally ran its course, but I hadn’t prepared properly. I should’ve seen land by now but I took the scenic route full of rum and sun bathing.

The descent was the worst part. I lived with the knowledge that it was sinking but continued with rum & sunbathing because I’d rather be blissfully ignorant than soberingly aware.

Some of the crew prepared, but some just did the same as me. The parties continued and the music was even louder yet at the end of the night, before heading to our chambers, there’d be a moment of rare silence and I’d think out loud, “I can’t believe we’re going down,” with a grumbled nod from the others.

As the ship got lower, we began to realize the severity so we made our various plans. One by one the lifeboats came and whisked us away to different locations.

I remember when mine came. In a matter of hours the ship would be completely submerged and I’m not foolish enough to stay on that long. So I got in my boat and stared at the horizon as I watched the very tip of my home disappear.

I remember the tears. I felt foolish for crying because this was the plan all along but I never realized how much I would end up loving my ship. It felt like leaving a bit of my soul behind and I didn’t even have a crew to mourn with. It was just me and I had to figure out what my next steps were.

I finally get on land and another realization hits that I need a new plan. I’m not a captain anymore, I have no crew. So I pull myself up by my bootstraps and forge on. It feels cold and it feels desolate but I have no choice because there’s nothing to go back to.

So I found my way and joined a new crew. Not a captain by any means, but this ship is much larger and requires a whole new set of skills that I’m still learning. It’s different here but it’s really growing on me.  

With each passing day I become more integrated with my new home but at night when I’m by myself, I think about the old crew and the life I used to lead. I stare out at the horizon and imagine us cruising by without a care in the world, the jolliest bunch of bastards you’ve ever seen.